Of Something Once Pure
by tmtCatalyst
Summary: Fall out from One Angry Veronica. How will Veronica react when she finds out what Logan's done to the tapes? LoVe
1. Prologue

Title: Of Something Once Pure  
Author: Catalyst  
Summary: Fallout from One Angry Veronica. But, to be honest, I'm not really sure where this is going yet.  
Rating: Somewhere in the mature-ish range.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the title, which is from a song by The Thrills.  
Author's Note: I've got to warn you, I'm not sure how well Lilly is going to be portrayed in this. I'm going to tear her down in the beginning, and, honestly, I'm not sure if I'll build her back up, so if you love Lilly, you might not like this. Of course, I love Lilly, so maybe I'll be able to fix it.

Prologue

_Out of Order._

Ten steps passed the girl's bathroom, Logan pauses, turning back. He stumbles forward as someone runs into him, surprised by his sudden stop. The freshman mumbles under his breath, but Logan ignores him as he drifts towards the bathroom.

Obviously Veronica's inside. That's not what stopped him. Actually, he'd been going out of his way for days to avoid her. Not answering the door at the hotel. Showing up to his classes late. Parking at the burger place across the street so she couldn't corner him at his car.

But that's his out of order sign on the door. The same one he'd used to get her attention a month before.

When he'd asked her to save him from a murder conviction.

Maybe avoiding her wasn't the best idea.

He pushes through the bathroom door just as the bell rings, and finds Veronica sitting on the sink of the bathroom, just as she had been when...

He cuts off his own thoughts as she jumps down, waving a manila folder in his direction.

"Great. Now I'm late for bio." She rolls her eyes. "Thanks Logan. You sure stared at the door long enough."

"Someone forgot her happy pills this morning," he comments, side stepping her and propping himself on the counter. "Or are you just lonely with Duncan up in Napa with the ice queen? Thought you'd come and harass me some to fill your day?"

Her lips narrow into a straight line, her fists clenching before she releases a heavy breath. "I'm not doing this today, Logan. I'm done with all of this." She walks to him, the folder held accusingly in her fingers. She slaps it against his chest before quickly turning and putting space between them. When he opens his mouth, she cuts him off. "That's everything I've found out about the Fitzpatricks and Felix's murder. I'm done, Logan. Save yourself."

"Veronica," he calls as she turns for the door. He stumbles off the counter, still holding the file to his chest.

"Don't Logan," she tells him, her voice tight. "I'm not doing this anymore. I won't."

"What-?"

"I almost died getting those tapes, damnit!" She spins around, her palm connecting with his chest hard enough to have him staggering back towards the sink. "He locked me in a refrigerator and tried to burn me alive because of those tapes, and you_erased _them!" Her breath is ragged as she tries to compose herself, and Logan steps forward, almost as if he wants to comfort her.

"Don't," she demands, stepping away from him again. "Don't come near me, Logan. I'm done with this game. Just... stay away from me." Before he can open his mouth, she's gone, and the last thing he sees is her hand ripping the out of order sign off of the door.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

The apartment is empty when Logan bursts in, the door slamming roughly behind him as he crosses to his room. He throws Veronica's manila folder onto the bed, watching the papers scatter in feigned interest.

He could hire someone else. A real P.I. this time.

The thought flies through his mind so fast it barely registers. If Veronica doesn't do this for him, he'll take the fall. No one else knows enough. No one else will believe him.

No one else believes _in_ him.

He scoffs at the thought. Veronica never believed in him. She made that more than obvious. He was just another step towards Lilly's killer. Just another step towards that taste of perfection that she's been scrambling for ever since.

Then again, he's not so sure why he believes in Veronica Mars anymore either. After all, she really believed it was perfect.

Maybe she's not as good at this sleuthing business as he gives her credit for.

XxXxX

"Do you need a ride?" she asks him, pretending to riffle through her locker as though she isn't waiting for him.

"Mom's picking me up," he tells her. "Door-to-door service because I can never leave the house again." He starts to close his locker, and she scrambles for words.

"You are going to talk to me eventually, right, Wallace?" she asks, just as he starts to walk away. She hates that she's pleading with him. Not because it's him. She just hates the pleading part.

She'll do it for him. She feels it's the least she can do.

"Not today, V," he murmurs.

"But this – this mess between us," she rambles on, "it's going to blow over, right?" Her head is still half-buried in her locker, because she can't look at him when she does this. Pride can be a bitch sometimes.

"Veronica, just..." he pauses, and, in her peripheral vision, she sees his neck craning towards the door, "not today." And then he disappears down the hallway, and she wonders how much longer a flicker of New Year's hope will last.

XxXxX

Veronica doesn't think of Logan on the drive home. She doesn't think of him or Lilly or fire or murder, because she can't – she won't. She's learning that sometimes she does get the news ten minutes too late, and, sometimes, there really is no way out.

The tapes are gone, and she can't change that. She has other things to occupy her mind.

She hasn't spoken to Wallace since New Year's, minus a few obscure meetings in the hall when he couldn't side-step her fast enough. She wanted to believe that it was all okay. All he needed was a little vacation to forgive and forget, and all would be just as it had been.

Only real life doesn't work that way. Veronica is beginning to realizing she's wasting her life away trying to work backwards.

_Solve Lilly's murder; get your old life back_. Only no, because the killer's in jail, but Lilly's still in the ground.

Without Lilly, it's all so much more complicated.

Then there's Duncan – her Duncan, but not really anymore. Now she knew there had always been a lie over her and Duncan – one huge, invisible lie towering over their heads – but they had still been innocent then. They hadn't known. Now the lies were _between_ them, woven into the tentative relationship that never seemed to quite reach what it had been.

Her Duncan never lied to her. What's happened to her Duncan?

Veronica's begun to wonder if he's ever really existed at all.

By the time Veronica pulls up to the curb beside her apartment, she's almost convinced herself that she's not really thinking about Logan, that he's not haunting her like Lilly used to.

That she can really let go.

Two steps through her front door, and the lie crumbles around her.

"You might want to invest in a deadbolt," Logan quips from his seat beneath Backup, "because your security detail seems to be slacking off." Backup nudges Logan's idle hand with his nose, insistently demanding more attention and ignoring Veronica's entrance.

"How did you get in here?"

"For a P.I. family, your spare key is not very discreet."

"Logan." Veronica's voice is low and dangerous. "We don't have a spare key."

Logan's eyes widen theatrically before he smirks at her. "Hmm. I guess the window must've been open."

"This isn't funny, Logan. You need to get out of my house." Veronica reaches for the leash that hangs beside the door, and Backup suddenly takes notice and bounds towards her. "I want you gone when I get back."

She has her hand on the doorknob when he speaks again.

"You're really going to let them fry me for this?" he questions. "You know that I didn't do it, Veronica. You're not that much of a bitch."

"Wow, Logan," Veronica tells him, barely turning from the door as Backup tugs at her arm. "Your flattery needs some work."

"The tapes were nothing, Veronica. You know that."

"Those tapes were _everything_," Veronica throws back.

"You grew up in law enforcement, Veronica," Logan says softly. "If you'd just wake up, you'd realize they have no chance against him. He's going to crush them, regardless of those tapes."

"They have him for statutory rape at the very least," Veronica argues. "It was something."

"Wow," Logan deadpans. "So you nearly killed yourself to get him a few hours of community service?" Veronica opens her mouth to protest, but he cuts her off. "Think about it, Veronica. He has the best lawyers in the country, and people love him. They won't hesitate to bring everything about Lilly out in the open, and you think people are really going to believe that this is all on him? They have nothing against him."

"Now they don't." She puts her hand back on the doorknob. "Thanks to you."

"I didn't delete the tapes, Veronica." Logan stands from the couch, and Veronica moves away from the door as he steps closer. They both ignore Backup's soft whimper. "Maybe when you clear out of this denial stage you seem to be in, you'll feel like knowing why."

And before she can say another word, he leaves her gaping at the empty doorway.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Two blocks from hotel, and Veronica's locked in her car, fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. She can see the room, the silhouetted figure that can only be Logan perched against the kitchen windowsill. He's watching her, waiting for her.

Waiting for her to what? She's terrified that she'll start moving and he'll disappear again. She'll take the elevator, he'll take the stairs, and by the time she's realized that the room is empty, he'll vanish like all of the promises they made each other.

She's not ready to let herself believe in Logan Echolls again. Something always winds up broken when she does. She's tired of being broken.

When are things going to be whole again?

But Veronica's never been good at sitting and waiting. So what if Logan runs? She's tracked him down before; she can do it again. Besides, while his car may have many off-roading capabilities that were far beyond the little Le Baron, the pompous yellow is never hard to find.

Of course, none of that matters much, since he's waiting when she lets herself into the hotel room.

"Took you long enough," Logan mutters from the couch. "And here I was, doubting your backbone. You sure showed me, Veronica."

"Go to hell, Logan."

"And what a comeback," he mocks. "I do think you could've done better." He pauses, his eyes appraising. "On a lot of things, as a matter of fact."

"You know why I'm here, Logan. I'm not wasting my time on this."

"Yes!" Logan says, bounding off of the couch and towards the doorway where Veronica hovers. "The tapes. Now, was I the first on your list, or have you already been by to yell at your little deputy friend? Because, for once, I think even you can admit that this was not all my fault."

"Logan, why did you buy them?"

"Well, the celebrity porn biz has been a bit slow lately," Logan drawls, his ever-present smirk stretched across his face, "and, would you believe that all of the other family videos were in storage?" He pauses, crossing the room again and leaning against the entertainment center. "I thought it might be a little tough to get the key, what with my house being ash and all." He smirks at her. "But you wouldn't care about that. After all, your specialty is getting the motorcycle gang _out_ of jail. Your father would be so proud."

Veronica sighs. "I don't have time for this. Show your cards, Logan, or I'm leaving."

"I'm not giving you the tapes."

"So what am I doing here?" She sighs, running her hand through her hair in a show of pure exhaustion. She lowers her eyes, muttering to herself. "Why do I keep wasting my time on this?"

Her comment stings more than he shows as he carefully brushes past her and disappears into his room.

"I told you, Veronica," Logan answers, his voice dulled by the space between them. "You're not _that_ much of a bitch."

"Very eloquent, Logan." She watches as he reappears, this time holding a small tin box. He sets it on the coffee table, and gestures for Veronica to move to the couch. Suppressing an eye roll, she obliges and watches as he pulls a chain from around his neck. A deadbolt key hangs from the end, and Veronica watches him fit it to the lock on the box. Four tapes lay inside, unmarked, but not unrecognizable. It would take her a lifetime to forget those tapes.

"And the copies?" Veronica questions.

"I had to delete something for you father."

"God, Logan, why?" Veronica's eyes find his, and her gentle plea almost cracks his detached veneer.

Instead, Logan abruptly snaps the box closed, pulling the key away and walking back towards his room. He's back in a second, and Veronica pictures the box, locked yet unhidden, sitting on his bed.

"You really want to know why, Veronica?" His question snaps her attention back to him.

The question, the look, the strange absence of a smirk on his somber face is enough to make Veronica wonder.

_Do I want to know_?

_Really?_

"Of course I do," she tells him, her voice masked with false bravado to distract from her pause. "Why would you want to help him like this?"

"It's not even about him." Logan smirks, but it's dark and foreboding. "It's about her. It's all about her." He pauses. "You, of all people, should know that."

"Lilly? You're trying to protect Lilly?" Veronica's brows knit together. "Logan, Lilly wouldn't care if those tapes got out. She would've wanted people to know the truth."

"Exactly," Logan murmurs, his voice low yet unmistakably hard. "This is exactly what she would've wanted. And she doesn't deserve it."


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"Logan, what are you talking about? You did this to spite Lilly?" Veronica props her elbows on her knees, breathing into her palms. "How can you even _say_ that?"

"Wake up Veronica!" Logan's voice is harsh and angry, and when Veronica looks up, he's perched on the coffee table, inches from her face. "Lilly wasn't the princess that you seem to think she was. She was awful to all of us. She was horrible to everyone who loved her – you, me, Duncan. We were just toys for her. Little playthings for her amusement."

"That's not true."

"She knew _everything_, Veronica. Everything." Logan calms himself, shifting his weight back against the table and away from Veronica. "She knew about Duncan. She knew about your mother." He pauses, and his voice is soft and restrained when he continues. "She knew about my father."

Veronica doesn't gasp. Honestly, she's not sure why she's surprised. Logan and Lilly weren't secretive about their relationship, and, from what Veronica had been told, it would've been almost impossible for Lilly to miss the signs. She had to have known that _something_ was going on.

Veronica had just hoped that –

No, Lilly wouldn't have done that. Not just because of one stupid kiss. She was vengeful, but she wasn't heartless.

_Logan must've done_ – Veronica cuts off her own thought, quickly killing the urge to voice her opinion. Logan was right. He is her scapegoat.

"Lilly… she loved you, Logan," Veronica reasons. "Why would she do that? There's got to be –"

"There isn't, Veronica. Why is it so hard for you to believe? She was horrible to you, and you just refuse to see that." He shakes his head, his wry smile mocking her. "For someone who claims to want answers so badly, you're pretty willing to ignore all of the most obvious truths."

Veronica's eyes dart away, and she hates him for the truth in his allegations. She needs to believe that Lilly was ultimately good, that Lilly was everything she remembers. Otherwise, the last year and all of the awful, horrible things she had learned about everyone and everything she thought she loved – it was all for nothing. For a spoiled heiress who wanted nothing more than to shock and be amused.

Veronica didn't think she could handle that.

"Do you know how long she knew about your mother and her father?" Logan questions softly as her silence wears on. "About your paternity?"

"Duncan told her after he broke up with me," Veronica says, her voice hard with false conviction. "He must have."

"Yeah, he told her after he found out." Logan pauses. "But Lilly already knew about it by then. Her mother told her just before you joined pep squad. Months before you started dating Duncan. Celeste didn't want you around and when she saw how Duncan acted around you, she told Lilly to quit bringing you to the house. When Lilly refused, her mother told her everything, hoping that Lilly at least cared enough about you and Duncan to stop things. Lilly didn't. She wanted her toys to play." Logan pauses, another confession hot on his tongue, but before he can speak Veronica is running from the room. For one cold-blooded moment, Logan thinks he might've pushed her too far, forced too much on her. Then he hears the bathroom door slam against the wall, followed by the muted sounds of Veronica retching. He shakes his head, hating himself for doing this to her. She doesn't deserve this.

None of them deserve this.

She gasps when she feels his hands lift the hair from her damp neck. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I never meant to…" His voice drifts away. He regrets too much to voice it all. She knows what he's sorry for. She knows what he's done.

Veronica Mars knows everything.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Duncan comes home to find his girlfriend and his almost, used-to-be best friend asleep on the couch. Veronica's laptop is open on her legs, the screen black from inactivity. Logan's head rests on her shoulder, his body bent at an awkward angle – it's obvious he fell asleep first – and a manila folder lies open on the couch beside him.

Obviously they're working on his case. That doesn't mean that Duncan likes walking in on them together. After all, weren't they at each other's throats when he left?

Which is exactly why he goes back to the entryway, taking care to slam the door and make as much noise on his way back to the living room. As expected, by the time he reenters, Veronica and Logan have split apart, veering towards opposite ends of the couch.

"Duncan," Veronica says, her voice both surprised and groggy. "I thought you were supposed to be in Napa until Friday."

He shrugs. "Guess I just missed you too much." Duncan smiles, though it doesn't quite fit and presses a kiss to her temple. "What are you doing over here?"

"Just working the case," Veronica comments offhandedly. Her movements are slightly awkward as she stands, discretely closing the screen of the laptop. "Listen, Duncan, I don't know if you've heard yet. . ." Veronica pauses, and for the first time she realizes that she hasn't thought about bus crashes or death or guilt since Logan's newest (almost) idiot mission. She hasn't thought of Meg or babies or almost-but-not-quite lies that linger.

"About Meg," Duncan fills in, his voice somber. It's only then that Veronica realizes that, once again, Logan has disappeared. Lucky. "Yeah, we got the call."

"Duncan," Veronica begins slowly, acutely aware of this unstable territory. "What's going to happen to the baby?"

"Don't worry about it." Veronica opens her mouth, but Duncan interrupts. "Listen, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Then, with a gentle kiss, he disappears into his room.

"Trouble in paradise?" Logan quips when he reemerges from the kitchen and finds Veronica staring at Duncan's closed door.

Veronica shakes her head and grabs for her laptop. "I've got to get home, Logan." She takes the folder and stuffs it into his bag. "We'll work on this more tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure," Logan mumbles, but she doesn't hear him. She's already gone.

XxX XxX

Duncan isn't in school the next day. Veronica finds a message on her voicemail after first period.

_Sorry, Veronica. Had to deal with the lawyers. Let's have dinner tomorrow._

He doesn't say goodbye, and his phone snaps closed so abruptly, she can hear it in the end of his message.

When she calls him back, his phone rings endless, but he doesn't pick up. When Duncan is with the lawyers, his phone is off.

He's avoiding her.

She's angry and irritated when she leaves her message, three calls later.

_Busy tomorrow with someone who answers their phone. See you when I see you._

She thinks of Meg and the baby and everything that must be on his mind and she's more irritated, more angry, but most of all, a lot more guilty.

She watches Wallace from across the quad, laughing and smiling, and she wonders how she didn't notice sooner. He's happy there, away from her and the drama and chaos that comes from knowing her.

Two years ago, he would've hated her.

A year ago, she doesn't know what she would've done without him.

She's beginning to realize that she's never known anything about real friendship.

Lilly used her; Lilly betrayed her.

She used Mac; she betrayed Meg.

She used Wallace; she was never there for Wallace.

Wallace was always there for her.

Has she ever really been someone's friend? Veronica wonders if she even knows how.

XxXXxX

Logan is already in the bathroom when she gets there, minutes after the bell rings and looking more tattered than usual.

"Do you know where Duncan is?" she asks him without preamble. "Really?"

Four months ago, he would've taunted her with those seven words, with the sick-sad truth of her relationship with Duncan. But today... well, even Logan has a limit, and he doesn't hate her enough anymore to want to see her cry. "He said something about the lawyers," Logan tells her. "But..."

"What?" she urges, too quickly. She's desperate, and he doesn't want to think about why that makes him feel like he's just taken a blow to the stomach.

"He was on the phone with his parents last night. He's louder than he realizes sometimes."

"What did he say?"

"They were just talking about the baby." She doesn't think he sees her flinch, but she's wrong. "His parents have three P.I.s watching Meg's parents. With what Duncan knows about her sister, they're hoping they can overpower his epilepsy with her parent's abuse. Not to mention the Kane fortune. It's not like Duncan would be raising that kid anyway."

Veronica doesn't realize that she's swaying until Logan's hand is on her elbow. "Are you okay?" He helps her to the counter perching her against it before he rifles through his pockets. "What have you eaten today?"

She shakes her head. "Now you sound like my father."

His eyes darken momentarily, and, when the look passes, Veronica wonders if she imagined it.

He hands her a package of a Skittles, half empty, rolled closed. "I don't feel like driving you to the hospital because you passed out and hit your head on the trash can. And you don't want me to leave you passed out on the bathroom floor."

She smiles at him, but it's weak and lopsided. "You're not that much of a bitch, Logan."

"Exactly, Veronica," he tells her. "I'm not your bitch. I'd be gone before you hit the ground." She puts a few Skittles in her mouth and shakes her head softly. "Look, you're lips aren't purple anymore."

"Don't stare at my lips, Logan." In her head, the comment is light and sarcastic, but it falls flat and awkward from her tongue.

He tries for a smile but it doesn't quite reach. With stumbling motions, he realizes that his hands are on her knees, and quickly steps back, ignoring the lingering déjà-vu from their first kiss.

The moment passes, though it feels like it takes hours.

"Do you think you can stand up again?" he asks her, his eyes on the tiles so he can pretend that he doesn't still feel her bare skin beneath his palms.

"I think I've got it." She pulls herself down, then looks around the room as if there might be more to see. "Let's get out of here," she tells him.

"Why, Veronica, how very delinquent of you!" he quips. "I didn't know you still had it in you."

"I left my laptop at home," she tells him, as if that's reason enough. "And I just... don't want to be here anymore."

"Welcome to everyone else's reality." But when she moves for the door, he's following her.

When they pass the attendance office, Veronica catches a glimpse of Duncan at the sign in board. She turns away before he catches her eye but doesn't stop moving.

When Duncan gets out of the office, he sees Veronica climbing into the passenger side of Logan's Xterra.

And when her eyes fall on him, he'd swear he saw her smile.


End file.
